LOVE DARe: Day 19

Love is impossible.

I cannot manufacture unconditional love out of my own heart.

It is impossible.

It is beyond all of my capabilities.

No amount of hard work and commitment can muster up unconditional, long term, sacrificial love from my heart.

Love (agape) is of God and from God (1 John 4:7).

Only God who can love unconditionally.

It is only God who chooses to express His love for my wife through me!

I choose to follow God's leading on how to love my wife.

LOVE DARe: Day 18

Love seeks understanding.

When a man falls in love, he studies the love of his life. He learns her likes, dislikes, and habits.

But after he wins her heart and marries her, the desire and motivation to learn about her fade away.

The mystery and challenge of knowing my wife is a lifelong journey that ought to draw my heart ever closer to her.

Imperfections and flaws ought not rob me off the admiration and respect for the love of my life.

Each nuance in my wife's character has a back story.

I dare to discover the hidden gems about my wife. 

I dare to know my wife's greatest hopes and dreams.

I dare to understand how my wife prefers to give and receive love.

I dare to know what my wife's greatest fears are and why she struggles with them.

I dare to make a commitment to know my wife more than I do now.

LOVE DARe: Day 17

Love promotes intimacy.

Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships.

Living and sharing a home with another person who knows me down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure of marriage.

One who knows another person so intimately can either love deeply or wound in ways that can never be fully recovered.

I pledge to make my wife safe not scared. Our home shall always be a place of safety.

My wife should never feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive my approval.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:28).

LOVE DARe: Day 16

Love intercedes.

As much as I want, I cannot change my wife.

Only God who can reach into others heart and mold them into what God wants them to be.

I ought to learn from the farmer who knows he cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop.

Instead, he plants, waters, manures, fertilizes, cultivates, and then turn it over to God.

Love dare means that instead of wasting my time and energy trying to play God over the life of my wife, I ought to seek to personally change from the inside out. 

I must play my part and then depend on God for results.

This is most successful through effective prayer.

No one knows better how to pray for my wife than myself. 

I will pray instead of quitting.

I will pray when stressed out and worried.

Every time I feel the Spirit moving in my heart I will pray!

I dare turn my complaints into prayer!

What Cars and Marriage Have in Common by Nick Sorani (Shared by my good friend Anne Wheeler)

What Cars and Marriage Have in Common (On the Homefront with Nick Sorani for 04/03/2014, Abundant Life Now) .

(Nick Sorani is a Presbyterian minister who is in a ministry of Life Coaching.  His special focus is on marriage and families.)

What Cars and Marriage Have In Common

Most of us invest a certain degreeof time and money into servicing our car and keeping it in good running condition.

Even if car maintenance is not our thing, none of us wants to break down on the side of the road.  All breakdowns are untimely, and many cost us a significantly bigger chunk of our time and money, not to mention the hardship for a few days or weeks without reliable transportation.

Because we know this we do certain basic things like change our car’s oil, replace worn tires, check the fluid levels and fan belts.  This need for regular maintenance never seems to arise at a time when it’s convenient, but most of us still find a way to do it because we know what happens if we neglect this for too long.

The same is true in a marriage relationship, or any relationship for that matter.  If we neglect taking the effort, time, and sometimes money to invest in and keep our relationship in good health, we may well find our marriage broken down along the side of the road.

This kind of a breakdown, even small breakdowns that are repairable, can cost us greatly in all areas of our life.  Logically we know this, but I have always wondered why it is that most of us tend to service our cars preventively, and yet in our marriage relationships we tend to wait until the breakdown to begin re-investing.

Walking With Pebbles in Our Shoes

Somehow we are content to walk for quite a long time with large pebbles in our shoes rather than open ourselves up to self-reflection and work on a few habits or emotions.  This makes sense, as it is not easy to take responsibility for our actions, to lower our pride, or change a habit or pattern we have.

Most couples or individuals wait too long, sometimes their whole lives.  Yes, wouldn’t it be great if there was a marriage “Jiffy Lube” we could stop at and sip our Starbucks while we wait.  No pain, no scraped knuckles or grease stains, just a quick stop that let’s others do the work.

Of course the difference is that cars are mechanical, while marriage is between two people with patterns, systems and emotional baggage.  Nevertheless,  the analogy stands that we must invest in each other and maintain the relationship.  Below are a few thoughts, and I invite you to share your own ideas of what has worked for you.

• Talk.  Remember the days you used to talk and really listen to each other, actually wanting to get to know everything about them?  Now it’s just kids, schedules, work, house, and whatever other warning light is going off.  Find time and get back to it.

• Listen.  This should really be first on the list because if we don’t listen well we won’t be able to talk and share very effectively.  Two things: ask questions, and don’t interrupt in mid-sentence.  Seek to understand before you seek to correct, challenge or one-up the other.

• What warning light is going off lately?  Are you operating in excessive anger, frustration, sadness, confusion, or some other emotion?  Do you know what it is that has triggered or caused this?  Have you considered working with a counselor or someone who can help you move out of this place?

• Take the car out for a drive.  Get out and do something together that you enjoy.  Find and do things that make you laugh, or give you satisfaction and meaning.

• Appreciate and affirm your spouse regularly.  This is one I constantly have to work on.  This is akin to changing your cars oil regularly, the most important and basic task of maintaining your vehicle.  Write her a letter, or challenge yourself to affirm her at least once a day.  Tell him you appreciate this or that about him.   The lifeblood of marriage is to feel wanted, needed, respected and appreciated.  Too often we just critique, blame or shame each other.

Just like a good road trip, all of these take intention and effort.  What we put in is what we get out.  Here’s to some great road trips ahead! 

LOVE DARe: Day 15

Love is honorable.

Love honors even when it is rejected. 

Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all one gets in return. 

To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem.

It means to treat them as being special and of great worth.

To love is to honor.

This means also that when I speak to my wife, I should always keep my language clean and understandable.

I should always be polite and courteous.

When my wife speaks to me, I should take her seriously, giving her words weight and significance. 

I pledge to give my wife's voice and opinion equal influence in my mind.

My wife is one person that I pledge to always honor, praise, and defend.

LOVE DARe: Day 14

Love takes delight.

In order to delight in those we love, we must learn how to lead our heart rather than follow it.

We ought not allow our feelings and emotions to do the driving.

I should choose to delight in my wife and to love her no matter how long we have been married.

Love that chooses to love is just as powerful (perhaps truer) as love that feels like loving.

If I am irritable, it is because I choose to be.

If I pick at my wife more than I praise her, it is because I have allowed my heart to be selfish.

Those who choose to lead their heart will delight in their beloved even when the new wears off.

It is time to dream again. Delightfully!