LOVE DARe: Day 13

Love fights fair.

Love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.

As fallen humanity, we enter marriage not just with hopes and dreams but also with hurts, fears, imperfections, and emotional baggage.

Once in marriage we soon begin to realize, unpleasantly though, how sinful and selfish each could be.

The storms of life also begin testing and revealing what we are really made of. Conflict sets in.

In the thick of conflict, pride is strongest. Anger is hottest. In conflict, I am most selfish and judgmental. Words contain the most venom. Unbridled conflict can lead marriage to self-destruct.

This is where love comes in.

Love helps install airbags and helps set up guard rails in marriage.

I must learn to work through conflict more effectively.

I must learn to fight clean by establishing healthy rules of engagement.

The dare is to figure out how to stay in bounds when the action heats up.

I will never mention divorce.

I must learn not to bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

I will never fight in public or in front of our children.

I will seek a "time out" when things escalate to a damaging level.

I will never touch my wife in a harmful way. 

I we re-learn to never go to bed angry with my wife.

Failure is not an option!

Fighting fair means changing my weapons! Disagreeing with dignity!

LOVE DARe: Day 12

Love lets the other win.

"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield" (James 3:17).

"Willing" is the key word in today's dare.

This is an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate every conversation.

I should be like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.

Jesus gives us an example of selfless love (Philippians 2).

Even though he had every right to stubbornly seek to be served by all humanity, he willingly laid down his life for our sins. 

I should have the attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission. 

I will, willingly, lay down for the good of others what I have the right to claim for myself. 

I must re-learn not to stay entrenched and unbending even though I know it will cost me pride and discomfort.

Instead of treating my wife like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, I will treat her as my closest, most honored and trusted friend.

I choose to honor the one I love.

LOVE DARe: Day 11

Love cherishes. 

"Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it" (Ephesians 5:28-29).

My wife and I are a part of one another.

My wife is part of who I am.

Our lives are now interwoven together.

Marriage is a very beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one.

I will cherish my wife as I do to myself. 

I will treat her with respect and tenderness. 

I will take pleasure in who she is.

I must treat my wife with the same nurture and care that I treat myself.

I dare to treasure my wife as a priceless gift!

LOVE DARe: Day 10

Love is unconditional.

Love is a choice.

God's love is a choice.

We love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19).

The reason for loving my wife should not be based on something to do with her qualities.

Reason: when those qualities suddenly or gradually disappear, the basis for love is over!

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional.

Unconditional love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.

This love is:

"In sickness and health" love;

"For richer or poorer" love;

"For better or worse" love.

This is true love - agape.

This is God's kind of love (1 John 4:10).

Love is not based on feelings or circumstances but on commitment.

This is love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Cor. 13:7).

I dare to no longer say to my wife, "I love you because ..." Instead I will say, "I love you, period!"

LOVE DARe: Day 9

Love makes good impressions.

The state of a couple's relationship can be discerned in the way they greet one another.

Greeting ones spouse may seem inconsequential but it carries surprising significance.

Ones spouse deserve politeness and acknowledgement.

Adding warmth and enthusiasm gives one the chance to touch a mate's heart in subtle, unspoken ways.

Being nice: 

The first thing I say to my wife when I wake in the morning is significant;

The look on my face when I get in the car speaks volume;

The energy in my voice when I speak to her on the phone sets the mood.

I must learn to act in a way that everything I say and do express the fact that I am really, really glad to be with my wife. 

A simple word, a touch, a tone of voice makes all the difference.

I will seek every opportunity (and on a regular basis) to bless and greet my wife.

Love is a choice!

LOVE DARe: Day 8

Love is not jealous.

Love is not selfish.

Love puts others first.

Love refuses to let jealousy in.

Envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16; 4:1-2).

Love ought to lead me to celebrate my wife's successes rather than resent them.

I pray that Love make me see my wife as completing me, not competing with me.

As a loving husband I dare to cheer my wife when she wins.

I must learn not to compare my weaknesses to her strengths.

LOVE DARe: Day 7

Love believes the BEST.

Two rooms sit deep in my heart: Appreciation room and Depreciation room. 

I visit both rooms at different times. 

I started walking into the Appreciation room the day I first met my wife.

In deed I started posting kind words and phrases describing her good attributes.

Over the years since we got married, I visit this room occasionally.

But with passing days I have become a frequent visitor to the Depreciation room which is further down the darker part of the hallway.

This where I have posted all of my disappointments with my wife.

The hurts, unkind words , frustrations are also on the wall of this room.

Her weaknesses and failures are written in bold letters.

This is where the big guns of revenge are stored for the next fight.

Some unpleasant words and even hateful ones found their way in.

Since love chooses to believe the best, I choose to no longer make the Depreciation room my abode.

I will not be running to this room any time I am frustrated or hurt by my wife.

The Appreciation room from this day becomes my permanent residence.

I choose to love and be praying for wife without denying the existence of the Depreciation room. 

I must begin to get into the habit of reining my negative thoughts and teach myself to focus on the positive attributes of my wife.

It is time to let love lead my thoughts and my focus.